the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
