just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
