Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
