Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize