ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
