i just had sex bonerless
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
