stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
