I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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