Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
