your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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