9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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