Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
