I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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