u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
