She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
