Got a toothbrush?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
