It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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