god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
