he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
