My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
being pregnant is like rehab
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
