someone owes me an orgasm
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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