Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
