those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
