drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
