Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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