Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
