soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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