I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
