I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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