we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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