where am i from again
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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