Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
