last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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