why didn't you poke me back
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
