He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
