Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
