Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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