Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
