You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
