I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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