After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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