You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
