he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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