I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We are two peas in an std pod
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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