Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
