I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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