i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
