you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
