watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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