Screwed.edu
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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