You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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