boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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